The Nice Thing to Say

A friend of mine asked me, what is the nice thing to say to someone who is going through a tough time (fighting Leukemia).  It is hard. I have never been good at those sorts of talks, and then I got thrown into one.

There is always that awkward feeling when you have to come up with something to say to someone who is going through something terrible. How can I make them feel better? How do I sound genuine? What do I say that isn't cliche or cheesy?

The truth is, if you are talking to them then you are doing it right. It doesn't matter what you are actually saying. I don't remember word for word what people said to Tom and I when things were really bad, but I do remember who talked to us. I remember who reached out and took a couple seconds out of their day to say anything. What they said, I have no clue, but they act was the important part.


Here are a couple exceptions: 

• Please don't give advice. Unless you have gone through the exact same thing or something very similar. 
• Don't tell them about what you Googled, or what you saw on Dr. Oz. 

Sometimes it was just someone willing to listen. I didn't even realize that sometimes I just needed to talk, about anything. The person listening just needed to nod occasionally, and not even really say anything at all. Other times I needed someone to talk about anything but cancer, hospitals or sickness. I just wanted someone to tell me about their day. What was the new gossip? How was their day at work. What was the weather like where they are?

Talking to someone who is going through something terrible is easier than it seems. Just reach out, the fact that you do that at all means more than you can imagine. Go with your gut, because anything is appreciated.

Coffee and Cleaning

When the stars align and there is a full moon, I get this itch. The only way to scratch this itch is with large quantities of coffee and cleaning, hours of cleaning.

Sometimes I wish either Tom or I were OCD about the cleanliness of our house. Don't worry, we are not cockroach in the sink messy, but more like, where we take our clothes off they stay messy. We don't make our bed every day. We don't dust baseboards. We only vacuum once a week..ish. Are you supposed to wash the outside of your windows?

Anywho, like I said every once in a great while I get this insatiable desire to clean. I turn on music, put on tennis shoes (I won't stop if I have the shoes on). I bleach whatever is bleachable, I mop, I dust, I climb on ladders to clean the blades of the ceiling fans and bathroom fixtures.  I even move furniture to vacuum underneath. I do all the laundry, including rugs and curtains. I organize bookshelves by size, throw away the odd socks, and usually do a run through in my closet because I heard Goodwill was running low.

WARNING: Do not bother me while I am doing this. Although I seem to be in a good mood,. I am merely just focused on the task at hand.  If you try to distract me or interrupt my flow I may say something I don't mean.  I am sorry in advance. If you do need my attention, at least offer coffee.

It usually take me a full day to get it all done, starting around 9 a.m. and ending around dinner time. After I finish I feel on top of the world, unstoppable and I get this feeling that from now on we will be civilized, organized people. We don't eat in on these nights because I don't want to dirty my freshly cleaned kitchen or put even a spoon out of place. I get upset the first time something isn't put away. But, like any high, at some point you have to come down. For me, it's usually the next day If I am lucky I will make the bed at least one more time, but then it is over, back to our disheveled lifestyle. At least until I get the intch again.

I give it a month or until company comes...whichever comes first.

Living-Room Gymnastics

Tom didn't want me to do it. He was sure I was going to crack my head open on the corner of a table, chair or even the wall. This didn't help the urge because I am competitive and when someone tells me I can't do something, I want to do it even more. The somersault would happen.

Now please understand my current situation, I am out of shape. I am not flexible. Sometimes I have been known to be uncoordinated. When I do nothing at all, I am sore, so doing a somersault alone was a feat.

I don't actually remember the last time I did a somersault, probably elementary school. I mean, I played volleyball so I can barrel-roll out of a dive like a pro, but an actual somersault? Where do I even start? So I squatted down in my living room, ready to own the somersault and realized I didn't remember how to do it.

Tom and I were in tears laughing. How do you explain how to do a somersault? He was coaching me through it, while laughing. I was trying to remember the logistics of how not to hit myself in the face with my knees.  A toddler can do this so I should be able to do this.

About 5-10 minutes later I was still squatting on the living room floor. Are my feet supposed to be together or apart? Should I take out my ponytail? Is this going to hurt my back? Will I get dizzy?

I closed my eyes, counted to 3 and went for it. I am still alive and here to talk about it, so you know it went relatively well. It went so well in fact that I popped right back up onto my feet to stick it like an olympian.

I don't know what you do on your Thursday nights, but we know how to keep it real.  And, I think there is a lesson to be learned here somewhere.

How to do a somersault

Dreaming vs Goal Setting

I was watching The Talk today on CBS. I actually hate this show, it hurts my hair, but it was on while I was checking emails and I was too lazy to find the remote.

In their hot topics segment they showed a clip of Britney Spears talking about her 10-year-plan. This perked my attention, because I am a fan (Shh, don't tell anyone). Anywho, she talked about how she was going to own several homes, have more babies, own 3 private planes and that she was going to do more acting. The whole time she was talking she had this glazed over look in her eyes like a kid at a candy store, overwhelmed with endless possibilities. Watch Here

Was she serious? She wants 3 private planes? I don't know, she could have been goofing around and being sarcastic. I don't know Spears personally and  I have no idea what her sense of humor is like. It seemed a little lame in this video. I'm more of a late 90s Britney fan myself.

It got me thinking about dreaming vs. realistic goal setting. Here are some of my person examples:

Dream: Range Rover

Goal: Honda Pilot

Dream: Celebrity like mansion

Goal: Adorable house with nice yard and mature trees

Should we even waste our time dreaming if we know it can't become a reality? When we were kids we would dream all the time. We were going to be astronauts and marine biologists. We were going to fight off armies and find our price charming while walking a mysterious trail in far off woods. Somewhere along the lines the realist in us develops and we don't dream as often. I still dream, but I know it is just that, a dream. It is probably and most likely not gong to happen. Where as a goal is attainable and very possible.

I have tried to plan in the past and it doesn't work out. I think the saying is, "Life happens when you are busy making plans". When trying to plan long term it is easier to look at the big picture goals. You can't micro manage that, trust me. More specific goals can be made in the short term future, for example; daily, monthly, weekly and even yearly, but past that just hope for happy and healthy. That is my 10-year-plan.

Reverence? What's that?

Right now I am reading An Altar in the World, by Barbara Brown Taylor. I haven't finished it but I just got done reading a chapter on reverence. I had no idea what that meant so I had to look it up.

Reverence: a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration. (Dictionary.com)

Bella, the day we found her in Victor, Iowa

We have a little puggle (pug/beagle) named Bella. We found her while we were fishing about 5 years ago near Victor, Iowa. She was living out in the country all by herself. When we found her she was covered with ticks but as happy as can be. She was so friendly that we brought her home with us, because who could leave something so sweet and cute out in the middle of nowhere?

Ever since we brought her home she has been a princess. She doesn't like to even step a paw pad outside if it is raining or snowing, but when she does venture out she loves to admire her surroundings. When we go on a walk, she stops to smell every flower, bug, tree or blade of grass that we stroll by. She takes her time, as to appreciate every step of our route, even if it is the same every day. It is extremely annoying when I happen to be in a hurry or when I am just too tired, but lately I haven't been upset about her taking her time, I almost envy it.

We live in such a fast paced world. I know people who get up at 4:30 a.m. to go to the gym, then they go to work, come home to take care of family, often squeeze in some sort of social event, and sometimes even go on to a second job. How do we live like this? It's all GO GO GO!! 

Now, I know that right now it is easy for me to say all of this since I am not employed at the moment, but seriously taking the time to observe and just be in awe of what surrounds us is pretty cool. My first experience, since reading about reverence happened after the Royals won their wild card game on Tuesday night, GO ROYALS! Right after the game I was so psyched that I went out onto our patio to cool off. Just as I walked out, it started to rain and it was beautiful. I sat and just listened to the rain stream down the gutters and I felt the tiniest tickle at my toes as a few stray raindrops found there way under cover. In that moment there was an amazing peace.

I could have run out there cooled off, been annoyed by the rain and gone back inside, but I didn't. How many times do we choose to be annoyed? Something is inconveniencing us, taking to long, or is out of the way, so we don't do it. Imagine all the beautiful things we are missing. Sometimes it isn't even taking a different route or more time, it is just being observant and in the moment. Noticing the sunset on our commute home, listening to the crunch in the leaves as you walk your dog, smelling the amazing dinner your neighbors are grilling on their charcoal grill (that might lead to jealousy, ha), or standing for a brief moment to absorb a few warm rays of sunshine on your lunch break. We all need to try to be more in the moment and reverent. I'm finding it is a pretty peaceful place to be.

Cancer Sucks

I wasn't really sure what to write about tonight. I had a few ideas, but they all kept coming back to cancer. Maybe it was the rainy weather today, I don't know, but cancer sucks!

So many people in my life have been affected by it; my husband, grandparents, aunts, friends and even friend's kids. It tries to rob people of their identities, their hopes and their dreams. Not to mention the hopes, dreams and identities of their family and friends.

Some are more serious then others, but each person effected, even after they have recovered, are scarred for life. Every day they live in the fear that it could come back. How do they deal with that? It is such a heavy burden to carry. They fought the fight and won the battle, yet they live in fear?

I struggle as a caregiver myself with it. If I can't keep it together how in the world can I help someone else who is fearing, literally, for their lives?

Tom has been amazing. He laughs and stays so strong. He makes sarcastic comments and jokes about his cancer, but every now and again the mask lifts and I can see the vulnerability under it all. I am so proud of him. The fight that he and others have fought and are fighting is beyond courageous. It is inspiring. I was talking to a friend today about kids with cancer. It is one of the most terrible things on Earth, but the one thing that kids have is their innocence. They can celebrate the good days and not live in fear of when they will be sick again. Unfortunately, I am sure that fear is absorbed by their parents. as if they have the cancer themselves. One of Tom's inspirations is a little girl back home going through something very similar to him.

I don't really have a point to my post today. It is just that cancer sucks. Please take a moment to pray for those who have lost someone to it, have it, are recovering from it and to those who fear its return.

Letting The Weird Out

Most of my good friends I have had since middle school or early high school. I have acquired a few others over the years through work or through mutual friends. So when we moved to Kansas City the realization that I would have to make new friends all on my own was daunting. I'm social and friendly and make acquaintances easily, but it is crossing that line between acquaintance to true friend that is tricky.

When you first meet a person, in any situation, there is a certain decorum or politeness. I believe it is called manners. When you first meet someone new you don't let all of your weird hang out right after the introductory hand shake. There is the small talk period, the polite coffee date and maybe a group gathering. But when do you let your true colors shine?

I'm weird... ask my husband, ask my best friends, ask my sister. I burp when I drink Diet Pepsi, like a man. I curse, not like a sailor, but more than I should. I dance, literally dance, to music that no one else can hear, jazz hands included. I love show tunes. I hum, all the time, and it drives my husband nuts. I'm inappropriate and I often have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old. There is more, but I can't even share that with you because it is just too weird and we aren't that close...yet.

So what do we do? Sometimes I wait for the other person to make their first weird move, then I let out a sigh of relief, and then let out a little of my own. Once, I just let the weird out all on my own and it seemed to work, but they ended up being just as weird as me. Pretty sure that was an anomaly.

I'm always worried I will offend someone or that they won't take me seriously. I can be more professional than your mom if I need to be, but I also like to be goofy and have fun.

Let me know what you do. How do you let your weird out? When do you let your weird out? Have a funny story about letting your weird out? Please share!