The Nice Thing to Say

A friend of mine asked me, what is the nice thing to say to someone who is going through a tough time (fighting Leukemia).  It is hard. I have never been good at those sorts of talks, and then I got thrown into one.

There is always that awkward feeling when you have to come up with something to say to someone who is going through something terrible. How can I make them feel better? How do I sound genuine? What do I say that isn't cliche or cheesy?

The truth is, if you are talking to them then you are doing it right. It doesn't matter what you are actually saying. I don't remember word for word what people said to Tom and I when things were really bad, but I do remember who talked to us. I remember who reached out and took a couple seconds out of their day to say anything. What they said, I have no clue, but they act was the important part.


Here are a couple exceptions: 

• Please don't give advice. Unless you have gone through the exact same thing or something very similar. 
• Don't tell them about what you Googled, or what you saw on Dr. Oz. 

Sometimes it was just someone willing to listen. I didn't even realize that sometimes I just needed to talk, about anything. The person listening just needed to nod occasionally, and not even really say anything at all. Other times I needed someone to talk about anything but cancer, hospitals or sickness. I just wanted someone to tell me about their day. What was the new gossip? How was their day at work. What was the weather like where they are?

Talking to someone who is going through something terrible is easier than it seems. Just reach out, the fact that you do that at all means more than you can imagine. Go with your gut, because anything is appreciated.