Alone Time Doesn't Need To Be Lonely

I am a social butterfly, ask my mom or any of my teachers growing up, but not my 5th grade teacher Mr. Dodge, he thought I was disruptive, whatever. I love to be surrounded by friends and family. I like to work with people. I even like strangers...for the most part.

Usually, when I have had a bad day or things just weren't going my way I would call up a friend, a family member or go somewhere to be surrounded by people, usually the mall (It's a problem). It wasn't until last week that I realized how rewarding and refreshing being alone can be.

Back-story - My husband was diagnosed with Leukemia on December 23, 2013 and then received a Bone Marrow Transplant on February 21, 2014. I have been his primary caretaker ever since. This included three months total in the hospital, followed by daily doctor visits, lots of prayer, and little time to myself. We are now down to doctors visits every other week, but Tom is still very weak and can't drive on his own yet, so I run all the errands, clean, cook and whatever else needs to be done. Most of the time I don't even realize how busy I am or how worn out I am. I just do it, because I love him so much.

Last week for the first time since his diagnosis, he went back to Iowa to visit family and friends and I stayed behind. We hadn't spent a day apart in nine months. Literally, we were together all day, everyday that whole time, unless I was running errands or something.

I mean seriously, does it get any cuter?

At first, I was miserable...and I went shopping (like I said, it's a problem). Then, once I got home and over the guilt I felt from buying something, I sat down and started to read a book. I don't even remember what book it was, that's irrelevant, because then I started crying...like bawling. I almost got up and closed the windows because I was crazy sobbing. Ugly cry!  Don't feel bad though, it was at that moment that I couldn't even remember the last time I had cried. I was so busy staying strong for Tom that I hadn't let it out. I even met up with a friend for a drink and I cried...at the restaurant.

That night I got the best sleep I had gotten in months.

This happened every single day that whole week. It was amazing. Sometimes I would be crying and then start laughing because it was so crazy. I was a hot mess. The littlest thing would set me off, like our dog Bella looking at me with her adorably expressive eyes and cocked head. (See photo)

I spent the rest of the week enjoying my alone time. I got a massage, took long baths and let myself cry. Being along doesn't have to be lonely. Sometimes we need that time alone to reflect, process and deal with the chaos in our lives. Now, I try to find at least an hour a day to just be alone. Sometimes it is with a book, journaling, sometimes it is writing this blog and sometimes shopping (but not as often...I'm working on it).

*Side note - I don't want my husband to leave again any time soon, at least not without me, but his absence made me appreciate the me time :)